Are you an emotional stuffer?

Do you tend to stuff the emotions that you deem “bad” away in a dark corner of your mind in an effort to control them? Many of us learned in childhood that it wasn’t polite or spiritual to dwell on or express negative emotions. “Good” people just don’t do that kind of thing.

As a result, we have become a society where much of the population have numbed themselves to what they are thinking and feeling. We don’t pay attention to the constant inner dialogue going on inside us and the resultant feelings associated with them. This is a dangerous practice that robs us of important messages and feedback about ourselves and our environment and can even lead to serious physical illness.

[tweetthis url=”http://bit.ly/2tbWSss”]The 1st step in coping with your #emotions is to honestly recognize how U are feeling[/tweetthis]

The first step in coping with your emotions is to honestly recognize how you are feeling.

Take an inner inventory—how do you feel? The great thing about this is that you do it internally. No one can see you do it. Allow yourself to be completely honest, even if the feelings are deemed socially unacceptable. This is just between you and you, within your own mind and heart.

If you are feeling hateful toward someone, allow yourself to feel it. You don’t need to act on it—just acknowledge it and feel it. If you feel grief over a loss—feel it. No one (not even your inner critic) gets to tell you when you should “buck up and start getting on with things.” The more you suppress or ignore your feelings, the more they grow. When you allow yourself to name them, feel them and acknowledge them, they will actually move through you and dissipate much sooner. It’s only when we try to stuff them away that they get stuck. Often times, simply saying to yourself, “I feel angry (or sad, worried, regretful, unmotivated, etc.) right now,” is enough to start the healing process. If you need to get your feelings out physically, punch a pillow or go sit in your car with the windows up and scream.

The idea is to allow the feeling as a part of yourself.

Where is it located in your body? What message does it have for you? This feeling could be alerting you to changes that you need to make in your life, such as a different career, or dissociating yourself from people that feel toxic to you. Perhaps you need to be more loving to yourself. Whatever you discover, you’ll know more about yourself for having allowed yourself to be with your feelings and you will have gained confidence from having the courage to feel them.

Tina Gilbertson, author of “Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings by Letting Yourself Have Them,” says,

“Feelings are like flowers. They grow, then bloom, then wither and die.” They’re not meant to last, and you can’t choose what you feel. So, you might as well feel them rather than try to struggle against them.”

Sometimes, when strong feelings come up that you are not used to acknowledging, it can feel overwhelming.

Here’s an exercise you can do to help you be in touch without overwhelm:

Place your hand over your heart and just breathe normally for a minute. Love the one who has the feelings. Say, “I love the one who is feeling (fill in the blank). Then, imagine each breath in is nourishing and soothing your heart. Breathe into your heart, and just listen. You may experience a wave of emotion as you listen to this part of yourself that you normally don’t hear from. Continue breathing and listening. You can ask your heart a question such as, “What do you need?” or “What do you want me to know?” Or, you ask about a topic, such as “My career” or “My marriage.”
You may or may not get an insight at the time. Just being willing to breathe into your heart and listen, is enough.

When you allow yourself to acknowledge and experience your feelings you aren’t divided against yourself—you are whole.